As this year comes to a close, I’m starting to reflect upon the many experiences, thoughts, and emotions I’ve had throughout 2021. Normally, I roll my eyes at those of us who make New Years resolutions or deeply reminisce on the past year, as it’s sort of just another collection of months. To me, it’s almost confusing why January suddenly means we get a so-called “new beginning.” But no matter how cheesy or pointless it may seem, this time I’d like to instead use the “closing” of the year as a truly wonderful excuse to notice, recognize, and appreciate the pain, beauty, joy, hopes, dreams, and the mundane parts of the story that is my life. So here we go…
January:
This was the first month that I spent time directly with students for my job with the San Luis Obispo Parks and Recreation after-school care program, and truthfully, I was placed in a classroom filled with the most challenging group of students I have ever been around in my entire life. I am convinced that these kids were put on the earth to teach me the art of patience, and by God they really tested me. One of my first days on the job, I admit to telling the children I was going to “kill them” because they began to threaten to rip down all of the decorations I had just bought to add some color to the classroom. Somehow no, I did not get fired, despite the tears and actual fear I instilled into them (big oof). Regardless of this painful incident, every day was a struggle where I had to constantly remind myself, between the kicking, screaming, running away, throwing of toys, jumping out the windows, littering, and lots of tears (much of which came from even 4th graders) that this pandemic has had a huge effect on children emotionally. One time I closed my eyes and clenched my fists tightly, only to hear one of my kiddos say “why do all the teachers here do that so much?” (lol). While I felt guilty that we were subconsciously letting these children see the mental toll their behavior took on us, this funny comment helped me make more of a conscious effort to smile through the difficulty of it all moving forward. Though it took time, and a LOT of deep breaths, I learned to show love to these sweet souls in the best way that I could. I am so proud of their improvement and I still miss them to this day!
February:
For some reason Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays, despite the fact that it is very consumerist and capitalistic. I love the color pink, I love hearts and flowers, and most of all I love LOVE. This Valentine’s Day I bought my friends all matching light-up heart headbands that we wore to a winery, before heading home to eat chocolate-covered strawberries and assorted meats, cheeses, and crackers while watching a rom-com. February is also when I started a brand-new journal, after finishing the old one of over 6 years! I found an unfinished poem that I’ll include from February 24, on a day where I sat by the ocean writing:
I don’t think I could get any luckier!
There might be mosquitos
biting my ankles,
but it’s just me and the clouds.
Itchy welts remind me
of my worldly pain
but when I look up,
all I see is
beauty.
Orange and pink sky
Palm trees swaying in the breeze
barefoot,
it’s just the two of us.
March:
Some of my friends and I traveled to Joshua Tree for Spring Break! We somehow figured out how to finesse a spot at a first-come-first-serve campsite in the park, a difficult but fun feat. We met lots of kind people, which reminded me how much I’d missed human connection, and how much easier it is to connect with others when we are appreciating the earth and her gifts more than usual. I also got my first dose of the Covid vaccine this month, so that was exciting!
April:
This was a very happy month indeed. Heres a little something I wrote in my journal about it:
“Spring is here and it really does feel like a rebirth! Flowers are blooming and everything is green. Baby cows and horses dot the hills and the a soft breeze tickles the air. I love it!”
April was the first month I went to karaoke downtown! It felt so exciting to be able to be around people in a social setting again.
I wrote “we sang and laughed and made new friends and danced our asses off! Holding tight to night like tonight, as I’m sure I’ll look back fondly. Even though I’m honestly terrified of “growing up,” I feel like each phase of life brings something different to smile about, so that’s what I’ll choose to focus on.”
Also this month was a very fun holiday of course, 4/20 (lol). Perhaps I shouldn’t share this, but since it’s legal, I don’t suspect it will get me fired from any jobs in the future… (hopefully). For the first time in my entire life, at 21 years old, I legally ingested the devil’s lettuce right before a Zoom class (sorry mom and dad). After getting called on by my professor and unmuting myself only to start laughing for no reason, a sudden influx of texts from friends in the class came in, all asking “are you high right now?” Good times, good times. It was very anxiety provoking though, so I probably won't be doing that again lol.
May:
Some of the highlights and little moments that I will never forget:
—Laughing over pizza and beer at Woodstock’s with dear friends
—Deep talks in the car while it’s still running in the parking lot
—Dancing around the bar like an absolute fool
—Getting free shots because you are really great at requesting good music at said bar
—Forgetting my jacket at said bar (typical)
—Talking to strangers about their life stories
—Going to my first house party in a year. At one point, I remember I just sat in a chair in the corner by myself, smiling, so happy to be around people I love so dearly and really catch up!
—Watching Spongebob of course
—Driving to a parking lot at midnight to cry as hard and loud as I could
—Running through the rain in Kauai with my dad. Something about jumping into warm, muddy puddles in your bikini really makes life feel worth living :)
June:
—Alice, my college roommate and best pal, orchestrated a late birthday bar crawl, since I never got to do one on my actual 21st due to Covid. I remember feeling like the luckiest girl alive
—We snuck into the Madonna Hotel pool often this month. One guy bought us Pina coladas because we gave up our chairs for him and his pregnant wife. Being nice pays off y’all!
—I graduated college. That was a huge moment for me. While I was (and am) incredibly proud of myself, it was extremely bittersweet for a person who hates goodbyes. If you have any desire to read more about that, feel free to click on a previous blog post here.
July:
My birthday month! Here’s a little something I wrote in my journal from the night it became my birthday:
“22...How fucking weird is that!? As cheesy as it sounds, Taylor Swift really got it right in the song 22. 'We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. It's miserable and magical oh yeahh!' I could not have said it better myself. While I'm terrified of aging (thanks society), I'm also excited to (hopefully) feel more secure one day. Even though life is exciting and I can dance, party, let my hair down, and focus on myself, it also sounds nice to not wonder all the time what life is going to look like in the future!"
Yes, 22 is a weird age. Many of my friends now live with their boyfriends or in different states (or both), work for real companies, and my Instagram feed is what seems to be an endless cycle of people getting married and/or buying their first home together. Then here I am, living at home with my dad and taking care of 2 kids while going to school. But it does me no good to compare, so instead I try each and every day to just be grateful for the life I am currently living because I know we are all in different places--and that's okay! :)
August:
I am a spoiled gal.. this month I went to Maui with the family I nanny for. It was incredibly beautiful and we had a wonderful time. It was a good reminder though, that I am not ready for kids lol! Vacationing with little ones is hard! I also started school at Sacramento State! I was incredibly nervous, but as I expected, my fellow future teachers are just about as delightful as can be. I have wonderful professors and a great group of 2nd grade kiddos I get to start actually teaching in 2022!
September:
I celebrated the 2nd birthday of Aria, who I nanny for! I got to be there for her 1st birthday, so it's crazy to watch her grow up before my very eyes. She's smart, hilarious, sassy, and sometimes a little scary, but that just comes with being 2. Someday I swear, she's going to be a CEO for sure. My dear friend Jayna also had a send-off party before her big move to Nashville. We had a wonderful time eating pizza, drinking beer, and playing music with a lot of talented people. I am so proud of Jayna, but miss her very dearly! It's hard to have friends move across the country!
October:
This was a CRAZY month! My beautiful cousin Emily got MARRIED! I hadn't seen family from that side in years and years. We had an absolutely amazing time laughing, talking, eating, and dancing together. I also went to OutsideLands, a music festival in San Francisco with my dear friend Kira. We had to take a very crowded metro, along with hundreds of other people in costume (oh, did I mention it was on Halloween!?) and then bought cheap tickets from a sketchy man on Craigslist. But it all worked out, and the music was soooo good. Here are some other fun things of note that I enjoyed this month:
--The leaves changing!
--Apple Hill!
--Walking around the midtown farmers market
--Dancing around the house alone for 2 hours, buzzed off of hard kombucha, having the time of my life
--Going to the pumpkin patch! My aunt and uncle visited us from Missouri, so we all had great fun together
--Decorating the door for Halloween in my second grade classroom
Unfortunately, Cider passed away this month. She was getting very old though and it really was her time. If you want to read about her life and our experiences, read an old blog post here!
November:
This November, I got the chance to visit old friends and have a fabulous reunion in San Luis Obispo! We partied hard and enjoyed each other's company after not seeing each other for many months, and I loved every second! I also was able to visit family in Missouri for Thanksgiving this year! My brother, dad, and I took a road 27 hour road trip back with my brother's new car, gifted to him by my grandpa. It was LONG, to say the least. But I read some books and we had some good conversation. I got a little tired of talking about sports though (lol).
December:
I dyed my hair red! It’s not really a big deal, but I’ve never done such a drastic change to my appearance and I absolutely love it. Sometimes getting your hair done is the perfect self-care!! I was also really busy this month, but ended the year with a trip to Disneyland on Christmas. As usual, it was magical!
This post is mostly just for my own memory, but for those of you (if any) who have read this far, thank you! As usual, it's been another year of ups and downs. But without the lowest points, how would we ever enjoy the heights? It's cheesy, but true!! I am so incredibly grateful for this life I get to live and the people I get to live it with. Despite all of the challenges I will continue to face, I hope to never stop being thankful! XOXO
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Here's the link to some videos I made that describe my happy, sad, exciting, scary, lonely, fulfilling year!
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